Little did she know...

Without fail, this song makes me feel nostalgic for, well, summer nights (also, last summer I sang this song while watching Jack under the stars..???? diditreallyhappenordididreamit ). Cheers to the summer. 

I think as kids we don't really grasp hardship and hurting. We certainly don't fully grasp the finality of death.  It's also assumed that hard things happen to other people and not us and certainly not regularly. I guess maybe we carry some of that into adulthood, the idea that hardship is a fleeting, foreign thing. Reality, however, has proven that hardship in one form or another is a constant. We carry hurt with us. We love, therefore we are vulnerable, therefore we can be broken. I can't resist a Coldplay quote here:  "Nobody said it was easy.  No one ever said it would be this hard." Also, as Jack Johnson so aptly summed up my childhood:  "We used to laugh a lot, But only because we thought That everything good Always would Remain." I realize it is naive and straight up false to say that every child lives a blissful, hurt-free life. There is SO MUCH hurt and darkness that children face every day all around us. And certainly I faced my...

My little town faced fire a few weeks ago. Homes and lives were in danger.  It's a little surreal when you get the orders to grab the essentials and leave your home.  My life and home were never in imminent danger, but I had friends who could stand at their door and see flames headed straight to their home. Scary.  I don't like hard situations when I'm in them, but this reinforced to me again how great my community is here. As several of us rushed around to get out the door, we had a whole army of people offering help and beds and food. We had an influx of texts and calls to make sure we knew we needed to leave.  And the very next day? God's grace fell on our town. Rain to wash away the smoke, to put out the smolders, to bring sweet relief.  "...For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45

How do you sum up a decade of same-town, growing pains, laughter and tears friendship?  We knew each other fresh out of high school and watched each other find jobs and fall in love and mature and grow our families and we blinked and here we are: packing boxes and sweating and wiping down counters and laughing about memories and giving ourselves crying headaches because how do you say goodbye after all of that?  I don’t know.  But I do know that that sort of friendship looks an awful lot like this #glamorshot  It’s familiar. It’s comfortable. It’s my kid and your kids and toys all over the floor and our bellies too full of good food. And I can’t wait to do it again so get that guest room ready.  #thetrampcasa

Who knew that  The sight of a crumpled up sock Could make me cry Who knew that A few weeks would turn into a few months Would turn into a forever love Who knew that  Little humans who have seen so much loss Could be so brave Who knew that  Sometimes it is the hardest thing to trust God's hand Should we choose to believe his love Who knew that  Saying goodbye when nothing makes sense Could still foster peace Who knew that  The sight of a crumpled up sock Would make me cry

Just a little shout out to the man I call my husband (well, he is literally my husband, I don't just call him that ;) ). Here is to my hard-working husband who is willing to go above and beyond to do his best and be the best LEO that he can be. Sometimes this means that I get annoyed at him for working extra hours he doesn't technically have to work, but he does it because it's the right thing to do -and that integrity is part of the reason I married him in the first place. Here is to the countless times that he has resolved situations with homicidal/suicidal people so that everyone was able to leave alive. I have just a tiny handful of times that I remember him telling me "I almost had to shoot someone today". I know there's more times that he has never shared with me. Here's to the times he has gone to buy food/diapers/formula, the times he has gotten off shift and gone to wait with kids who have to be put in the foster system because he has a ...

Does it go without saying that I miss you? Because I do. Not every second of every day. But usually at an unexpected time, some sound or smell or song or movie or whatever will remind me of you. Lots of times it brings a smile to my face. Other times, it makes me want to cry.  Over the past couple of years I kept wanting to tell you about everything you are missing out on.  You were right. I had a baby boy. He's two now. He likes cheese and dancing (among many other things). We have taken him camping and hiking, and I have you to thank for teaching me to love the outdoors and the joys of camping (even in all the extreme weather conditions we seemed to attract). We have had weddings. And sibling reunions. And the cutest little Brasilian Johnson you have ever seen. We have had graduations and growth. Lots of mundane changes. Lots of extreme changes. A lot of crying and a lot of laughing. And you are missing it. That makes me deeply sad. But the more I th...

This is a rare Saturday: it's not snowing (like the above picture indicates)! And all of us are home with no place to rush  off to (partially because everyone is sick right now, but it's whatever)!  Cliche, but true, I am sitting here sipping my coffee and listening to the birds chirp outside (I probably should be outside myself) as well as the sad coughing of my kiddo (that part is not cliche).  Here's some other things that I have been listening to lately:  the Journeywomen podcast -any episode is recommendable! Probably the only podcast I fully keep up with.  Andrew Peterson's Resurrection Letters vol.1 -especially "His Heart Beats" and "Is He Worthy?" Streetlights Bible App -Romans, currently, because we are studying that on Sunday morning.  "should we move" by Seth Avett as Darling, because Clara reminded me that this song existed and then I wondered why I didn't own it, and then I bought it and the rest is history...

1. Go to Hippy Hole in the Black Hills (How have I never gone?) 2. Take Matt to the Devil's Bathtubs in the Black Hills. (twice in 2017) 3. International Travel before Amos needs a ticket (uh, this one's already a fail. oops)  4. Move to a bigger house (rent? buy?) 5. Camp in the Badlands (again, how have I never?) 6. Complete a Project 365 (I did not make it all 365 days in 2017, but I persevered.) 7. Take Amos up Harney Peak (or Black Elk Peak, whatever) 8. Print out at least ONE photo book (for Amos, or family, or the coffee table, or whatever) 9. Get back into rock climbing shape and go climb some rocks! 10. Ski again (it's been YEARS, people. PS I didn't break anything.) 11. 30 days of random acts of kindness (this would be fun to do with Amos as he gets older) 12. Research and support a child through a good charity. 13. Take an actual over-night backpacking trip. 14. A Red Rocks Concert -every concert I wanted to go to has sold out alre...

As a review, I am working on the Light Reader section in the reading challenge.  Books one and two:  A biography: Hillbilly Elegy -highly recommend A book with at least 400 pages -All the Light We Cannot See -also highly recommend Book three: A book about Christian living: Love into Light -good, challenging, convicting. Go read it. Book four:  A book for teens or young adults: Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -currently reading. I already don't love it. I did love The Fault in Our Starts. And I didn't love The Catcher in the Rye. This book is kind of reminding me of a mix of those two. Kind of. 

This song because of these lyrics:  (referring to love) "I know that it's great, its different It's when you give and give of yourself Until your tank is on empty  Just to be with the one you love. You bleed on the inside  At the thought of losing them. At least that's how I feel. That's how I feel." I got to watch my friends get engaged this morning  (with my boss/friend from back in the day)  in the coffee shop I worked at back in the day.  I shared a table with a crusty old guy who played with and sassed Amos while I took pictures. The store was full of their friends and she had no clue and he was so nervous. And it was perfect.  This morning was just another one of those small-town situations that filled up my love tank and made me happy that I didn't move away eight years ago like I thought I would.  Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers and you haters!