nothing new [under the sun]

[I've started this post about three times now, and I realize it's nothing new, but it's been on my mind for a while now. Sorry in advance for how disconnected it seems. You can bear with me or bail out now. The choice is up to you ;) ]

It was just yesterday that I was sitting criss cross applesauce in the middle of my living room floor, multitasking. Some like to call it ADD. I prefer "multitasking." Music, social networking, reading a book, something on the TV, ticket shopping... all these distractions from what my mind was mulling over and over.

A friend and I were walking the other night, just like old times, after the town had gone to sleep, when the stars were bright and the moon was full. The trees were dripping and the sidewalk was sloppy... it was such a reminiscent time of the past four-ish years of our lives that we have spent in this town. I know that when I think of summer nights, I'm going to think of this time of life. When it's warm, and we're grilling at 10 pm, and walking, walking, walking while the town sleeps. Wading in our river. Pulling pranks. So much laughter and teasing mixed with tears and hard talks. All that to say: it turns out that SHE had been thinking about the same things that I had been thinking about...

Why am I talking in past tense?

Because. Just when I'm getting comfortable and used to things... the inevitable happens: change.

I know life is about seasons. Seasons of friendships. Seasons of jobs. Seasons of church. Seasons of classes. Seasons of family. These change and fluctuate and sometimes I'm ready for when the shift happens and other times, I want to rebel against it, kicking and screaming.

Somehow life goes on. Right?

It does. I've seen it over and over and over again. I've had times where I thought if I cried one more time, my eyes would fall out of my head. I've had times when I thought if one more relationship in my life had to be torn away and change that I would just give up and stop loving. I've had times when I thought surely there was nothing left that could be shaken, and then it did. I've had times when I just wanted to get in my car and just keep on driving to get away from the confusion and mix-ups and hurting and difficulties.

I've had times when I thought it couldn't get any better, that this love and way of life and happiness would just keep on going. Because it's THAT good.

But it doesn't. It doesn't go on the same forever. You don't keep being the same person and having the same kind of relationships with people for all eternity. At some point, God sees fit to change the way things are in order to change YOU. To change me.. That's probably why I want to fight it so much. I mean, I'm not THAT bad of a person, am I? Sure, there's things to work on, but I have time for that later...HA! If life ran on my time clock, I would probably still be that kid who just left home, feeling the high of freedom, drunk on potential, ready to take on the world. But instead, I'm feeling like shutting my eyes to the future and holding on to these moments for as long as I can. Because next thing you know, I'll be saying more goodbyes, finding a new niche, forging new friendships, and dreaming about the good old days.

Looking back, I wouldn't change ANY of what the past four years have brought me (except for maybe who I was). It's so clear to see how God used all of that to change me from who I was then, to who I am now. And as for the future? I might be rebelling now, but a little part of me is excited to see what it holds. It's an adventure, right?