exchanging pleasantries


Hey so I'm sick today. That means no kissing, Liz. Right. I'll keep that in mind.

Oh poop. Poop, poop, poop. (pause) I can't say anything else cuz i'm around kids a lot. Not good for them to hear those other words. Say, could you wipe my schnoz? that would be a negative. but i'll sure give you some tissue.

Yeah, my husband died just a little while a go. (sympathetic face. mumbling something about being sorry.) Yeah. It's really a bummer because I lost all of his social security income! (raises eyebrows) oh, is that right?

Friend: Alright now, you behave. (commence shuffling out the door.) Patient: (giggles) I'll try not to molest them. (winks at me) I'll keep my hands to myself! and this is the part where I am glad that I can drive and laugh at my partners trapped in the back.

I hate hospitals! Hate them. Can't trust those people. why's that? Well! My father went in for his fifth bypass surgery. Never heard from him since. really? I am serious. He went in and disappeared.

Elvis is an alien. (snickering from behind the driver's seat.)

271, H1N1.... I MEAN, H1 is 1010.

Last time I was in an ambulance, you were probably still in middle school. And when was that? back in '85. Ah. Well. I wasn't born yet. Am I that old already? . . .

You're a good driver. I don't care what these guys say about you. And that, old fellow, is why I love you.

Comments

Melinda Shrum said…
LOL . . . aaaaaaaaahhhhhh! I am dying laughing! That brings back SOOOOO many memories!!!!!
Thank you so much for posting. This just made my night!
-Melinda
13.2.11
Jason and Sadie said…
This is awesome! And only the tip of the iceberg. But I did laugh out loud. These are way better than the Bible college instructor quotes I used to collect. In fact, this list is right up there with J's "seizure" movies. Thanks for the great laugh!
24.2.11
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