soul aching.
Life's all about seasons and change.
I have to remind myself of this often.
Sometimes it feels like I am in multiple different seasons at the same time: personal growth, friend circles, job cycles, planning/waiting. Some I choose, some just happen naturally.
Lately, though (and by lately, I mean the past year), it seems that I have been in a season of sorrow, a season of grieving. So much unexpected loss of loved lives on this earth.
I am selfishly tired and worn out from all the soul aching that this brings.
I cling to and believe in my heart of hearts the truths of the Bible that speak hope in resurrection and a God who has purpose in everything that happens on this earth.
But I still sorrow.
I still have the puffy eyes and raging head ache that comes from processing loss.
I still have my breath taken away when I remember that all of those future memories I was planning on making with a loved one are not going to happen, that they are not a phone call away, that I will not see them multiple times a week or at the next reunion or on a road trip.
I still get secretly annoyed at social media friends lamenting the loss of a celebrity... as if that really affects them and what do they know of loss anyways?
But I forget that the universe is not wrapped up in my private hurt and sorrow; that every other person on this earth is fighting their own hard battles and facing their own hurts and going to bed at night, hoping that when the morning light comes there will be some relief from the brokenness that they feel.
I have always, always loved the season that surrounds Easter. This is one of the most meaningful holidays to me, and I think it it is so indicative of the loving God I serve that after weeks of discussing with my youth group how Jesus brings us reconciliation and redemption and resurrection because of his sacrifice on the cross and his burial and his conquering death three days later...
that after celebrating the resurrection with my local church body after weeks of music practice and over an hour of celebratory scripture reading and singing...
that after a sermon series on themes regarding the Passion Week...
that just hours after being challenged and encouraged by the passage in 1 Corinthians 15...
a man who has played such a huge role in my growing years away from home, who constantly sought me out to tease, listen, share stories, and laugh (oh, did we laugh), died quietly and unexpectedly in his sleep.
I could say so much about him, and honestly, it would be echoing so much of what others have already testified to. Jerry and his wife knew how to make people feel loved. They knew what it meant to lay aside their own preferences for the betterment of others, they knew what it meant to seek out people on the fringes and those who felt a little new or awkward and make them feel right at home. They knew how to have a good time (and did they have the stories to prove it), they knew how to share their love for God with others. They knew how to reach beyond social stigmas and reach beyond their generation to invest in lives.
If I close my eyes right now I can see Jerry standing on the edge of his porch, waiting in welcome and saying with a huge grin,"Well Lizzy, waddya say?"
Or seeking me out at church, or whatever gathering we happened to be at, for a good old Jerry hug and questions about how my week was or how life was treating me.
I'd ask him if he was staying out of trouble, and he would tell me he was getting too old for that (this man who was in his seventies and more active than most 50 year olds I know).
He used to tease me about finding a boyfriend and getting married, but after my customary eye roll, he finally told me to not worry about boys and just travel as much as I can and love every second of being single, because you don't get to do it over.
When I (finally) started dating my boyfriend he would just laugh and tell me "You two deserve each other." Followed by, "Two of my favorite people are marrying each other and I couldn't be more happy!" Also followed by, "Are you two gonna get married before I die?"
Bittersweet.
I hope I can love people as well and as much and as freely as he did.
I hope that somewhere in the midst of all his celebratory worship and joy up there with Jesus, he gets a tiny glimpse of how big of an impact he made for Christ.
I have always, always loved the season that surrounds Easter. This is one of the most meaningful holidays to me, and I think it it is so indicative of the loving God I serve that after weeks of discussing with my youth group how Jesus brings us reconciliation and redemption and resurrection because of his sacrifice on the cross and his burial and his conquering death three days later...
that after celebrating the resurrection with my local church body after weeks of music practice and over an hour of celebratory scripture reading and singing...
that after a sermon series on themes regarding the Passion Week...
that just hours after being challenged and encouraged by the passage in 1 Corinthians 15...
a man who has played such a huge role in my growing years away from home, who constantly sought me out to tease, listen, share stories, and laugh (oh, did we laugh), died quietly and unexpectedly in his sleep.
I could say so much about him, and honestly, it would be echoing so much of what others have already testified to. Jerry and his wife knew how to make people feel loved. They knew what it meant to lay aside their own preferences for the betterment of others, they knew what it meant to seek out people on the fringes and those who felt a little new or awkward and make them feel right at home. They knew how to have a good time (and did they have the stories to prove it), they knew how to share their love for God with others. They knew how to reach beyond social stigmas and reach beyond their generation to invest in lives.
If I close my eyes right now I can see Jerry standing on the edge of his porch, waiting in welcome and saying with a huge grin,"Well Lizzy, waddya say?"
Or seeking me out at church, or whatever gathering we happened to be at, for a good old Jerry hug and questions about how my week was or how life was treating me.
I'd ask him if he was staying out of trouble, and he would tell me he was getting too old for that (this man who was in his seventies and more active than most 50 year olds I know).
He used to tease me about finding a boyfriend and getting married, but after my customary eye roll, he finally told me to not worry about boys and just travel as much as I can and love every second of being single, because you don't get to do it over.
When I (finally) started dating my boyfriend he would just laugh and tell me "You two deserve each other." Followed by, "Two of my favorite people are marrying each other and I couldn't be more happy!" Also followed by, "Are you two gonna get married before I die?"
Bittersweet.
I hope I can love people as well and as much and as freely as he did.
I hope that somewhere in the midst of all his celebratory worship and joy up there with Jesus, he gets a tiny glimpse of how big of an impact he made for Christ.
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